Every Decision Directs Your Fire

Your actions will either extinguish your fire, or they'll direct it.

I almost abandoned the one thing that makes me feel alive.

Other people’s opinions were becoming louder and were clouding my judgment.

I knew what I wanted, but there was a slight hint of doubt.

For the first time I felt like I knew exactly what I was trying to build.

I remember sitting down one day and writing like a storm.

I was determined to write until my fingers started cramping up.

I was eager to publish the work I had been working on.

It felt right, I knew which direction I was heading in.

I had finally found my purpose.

But this was halted on numerous occasions by not only myself, but outside noise that challenged my belief.

I quit the job I hated, I went all in on myself, I knew what I wanted to do, but other people’s opinions were clouding my judgment;

“Are you going to get a job?”

“What you’re doing is wrong.”

“Go back to your old job.”

I began to question myself… “Did I make the right choice? Do I have to throw all my hard work away? Have I made a big mistake?”

My new identity was being challenged.

But this didn’t stop here…

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The Test

A job interview came to me, I went for it, but something didn’t feel right.

Before the interview I knew I didn’t want it.

Why? Because I was lying to myself, I knew what I wanted and what I was being offered didn’t align with me.

I ended up doing the interview, and my answers became very clear.

I was honest, but I also shot the heart of my new identity. Some of my answers felt like I was betraying what I had built.

I sat in the office before moving elsewhere, and I knew at that moment I couldn’t return to an environment like that.

I knew that I didn’t belong, I could’ve kidded myself and pretended that I did, but eventually the filter had been removed within the first few seconds.

They wanted me to sell myself, like I could belong.

I couldn’t.

My old ways crept back in, the lack of confidence was peeking back through.

What made it worse was they seemed to think I was lying about the things I recorded and what I had done.

They challenged my experience, they questioned who I was, every question was skeptical.

They thought my history was fake.

I answered and they gave a look that didn’t believe what I said. They even tested me on what I had written down.

I felt like I had been swallowed up and spat back out to be a piece of sh*t on the floor.

It only lasted for 10 - 15 minutes, but it felt like 30 minutes.

I left with relief, but something didn’t feel right - I noticed my old ways were resurfacing, and this is where the very low moments and outside opinions were dampening my fire.

I went back to my car with the interview playing over and over again on my journey home.

I felt relieved to be out, but I also felt embarrassed with my old ways showing once again and choking on some of my words.

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The Realisation

I walked for over an hour and I sat down to slow everything down.

I was replaying the interview over and over again.

I replayed what other people were telling me to do.

But then I realised something…

Nobody was changing my direction.

It was me.

Every time someone questioned my decisions, I would question them too.

I already knew the answers, but I was second guessing myself.

These instances were testing whether I was still feeding my old identity.

The moment I realised my actions either extinguish my fire or direct it, I rediscovered my assurance and I continued the next day like I was reborn.

The next day, my Dad told me something that would stick with me for the rest of my life;

“You have things that I never had. I learn from you. You have the nucleus for discipline. Prove us all wrong.”

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Action Directs Your Fire

The next morning I knew what I needed to do.

I knew I couldn’t fall into a rut, or worse, to quit.

I wrote out a checklist of everything that I needed to do.

Nobody was going to change their opinions, and no one was going to do the work for me.

I chose to act for the life that I wanted to live.

I didn’t ask for permission to continue.

One by one the checklist was being ticked off.

By the fifth check, I had returned like I had never left.

My new system and my purpose pulled me back onto the path I briefly drifted away from.

If I never started to question not only myself, but societal norms and life itself, then I would not be here writing out this post to you.

If I never hit publish on the posts that the old me would never have dared to write & publish, then I would still be dominated by my fears and my thoughts would only ever remain as thoughts.

That afternoon I continued to work on my new release (protocol out soon).

I didn’t wait for the doubt to disappear.

I knew there was work to be done and only I could do it.

Without action, ”I can’t” will always have a strong grip upon you.

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Comparisons Extinguish Your Fire

Comparisons weren’t making me work harder.

They were making me hesitate.

Do you compare yourself to others who:

1. Have achieved more than you

2. Operate within a different field

3. Measure yourself compared to someone who may be similar

4. Compare yourself to people who lie about what they have done and what they achieved

I would be worried if you said no. Do you know why?

Because we have all done it.

These comparisons alone are dream killers.

These comparisons are like applying a fire extinguisher to your fire, and the crazy thing is that you’re the one who is putting out the fire.

I’ve been there, comparing myself to what someone else has achieved and then immediately thinking that it’s impossible for me to achieve something successful.

Those moments after my interview and the hours following it, I felt like I was hitting rock bottom.

I wrote down how I was feeling, brutal and honest, but I could barely concentrate.

I was questioning all the writing I had done.

I thought that what I was working towards was a big mistake.

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How To Direct Your Fire

When was the last time you truly felt alive, in the pursuit of something that you not only treasure, but it brings you to life like nothing else would?

Why should you have to suppress your fire for the sake of something that means far less?

Your fire should be used like tunnel vision.

Knowing of your purpose, your passion, your desires and relentlessly striding towards it.

Motivation will only take you so far.

Action eliminates fear.

Build the system that is powered by your fire.

Form the habits and feed your new identity.

No one will truly understand your aspirations and what drives you.

The interview was never going to give me the career I wanted.

It reminded me of the life I left behind and the dangers of feeding my old identity.

I almost abandoned the one thing that made me feel alive like nothing else has.

Not because I lacked the passion for it.

But because I let other people influence where I should be aiming.

Every decision that you make is either directing your fire…

Or you’re putting it out.

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